Worry.

It's funny actually because one of my favorite passages in the scriptures is about worry, and its one of the things I struggle with the most.

Matthew 6:25-34
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


On to my blogishness. I know I shouldn't worry and I know alot of scripture that say God will give you the desires of your heart, and lots of things to go along with that. And I know that I am suppose to do things to receive those things, and blah blah blah. But I also know that I have faith that God can do anything, and believe that miracles will happen in my life, but at the same time I wonder why do I deserve it more than someone else? And It's not that I think I do deserve it more than the next person. But I wonder, because I know that there are people who try and try to have babies and then they do and there baby is still born. And people who have kids with cancer who are pastors who pray and pray and have lots of faith and their child still dies. So sometimes I wonder if that can happen to them it can happen to me right? Yes it can. And if it doesn't, I don't think it's because they could handle that and I can't. So I wonder why them and not me? I know there really isn't answer. But as I hope for healing, and babies, and many things for many different people I love. I know that I can believe with all I have and it still might not come true. And I think that it's not just faith. Cause there have been people with as much faith or even more than I have had, and they still didn't get what the believed in. And I know that I even if it doesn't happen here, then there is a better place. Where all this heartahce and pain doesn't exist, and that makes me happy. But I still wonder alot, And I'm sure I will continue to do that. And I still hope that I will get the things my heart desires, even if I know that there is a big chance I won't. And I still worry even though I know it does me no good. And I still don't understand alot of things, even though I wish I could.