Life isn't fair.

I don't want sympathy, and I understand that their are people who have things in their life that are much worst then my complaints. And I know that I have alot to be thankful for, but I just want to rant, because I have that right.

It's not fair that people can get pregnant so easily without even trying or wanting a baby, and I can not even have a period.

It's not fair that people who could care less about their kids have them.

It's not fair that the man that I love has an uncurable disease, and people take advantage of the health they have every day.

Im sure that I could come up with alot more things that aren't fair but instead I will move on to my next topic.

So I've been trying to change alot of things in my life. In hopes that it will give me a more healthy environment, and maybe fix all the issues that pcos causes me to have.
First I changed what I eat, I base my diet on wholegrains, and try not to eat alot of processed foods, eating more organic stuff, and fruits and vegetables.I have started buying organic makeup and house hold cleaners, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, toothpaste, and deodarant. There are alot of chemicals in all these things that we use on a daily basis that can seriously effect us. There is alot more that I could do, but I am trying a little at a time. I've also been taking different herbs, stop drinking coffee. Anything to help, cause I don't want to be held back anymore.

I hope that all my efforts will give me the results I want which is to have a baby. I am trying to take it one day at a time, but that is hard especially when I look at my period tracker and realize I haven't even had a cycle in over 100 days. It's a frustrating process, waiting for a period. Or waiting to take a test. But at least I can see results with the changes I have made over the last month. I have lost 10 pounds in the last two weeks. And am able to wear pants that I couldn't wear a month ago, and my clothes are getting bigger, I feel better overall.

The hard part about the baby thing is wanting to give my husband a child and feeling inadequate as a woman for not being able to do that. Trying not to blame myself as it's not really anything I've done to cause me to have PCOS. Then you have the option of adoption which I think is a really great thing, and I am not opposed to. I just am afraid, of not being able to have enough money to be a candidate, afraid of the back ground of where the child came from and issues they could have from that. Afraid of doing the wrong thing. Even though I know that all these things could be handled and I know that nothing is ever easy, and it would take work. And I worry about how certain people would treat the child or children we adopteD. There are so many things, things that I can't prepare myself for, or know until in that moment. It's hard trusting, and even having faith, because just because I believe something will happen it may not.