The popular question.

Do you think you'll have more.

It seems so innocent. And I know its just a way to carry on a casual conversation with someone you don't know that well or even do. Its a heated question for me though. I don't really know how to answer either. I realize the innocence in it, the curiosity. I know that you don't want me to go into my daily struggles when you ask. That you aren't really ready for me to pour out my heart on how much this little question can really bother me. So I say an answer that is true, and easy to hear.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe, I go back and forth."

I hoped to have another baby by now, or to at least be expecting one.
I would like my son to have a sibling.
It just isn't as easy as deciding you want to have another kid.
I wish it was, but that's just not the way it is for us, and many other couples.
I'm not saying don't ask, but just know that the short little answer isn't the whole story.
(Please don't think this is directed as you if you've asked me this question, It's not)

We struggled to have our son. I had two miscarriages and numerous fertility treatments.
Pretty healthy pregnancy some concern with cyst on my ovaries from the fertility drugs, but they started to shrink around 18-20 weeks. I hoped when I was pregnant that maybe that would up my fertility and we could get pregnant again while Jasper was even a baby. Nothing happened. When he was barely two I had a  wake up moment and decided to make some big changes in regards to my health, over the next year I lost 130 pounds, never got pregnant. Now we are on the verge of our son Turning 4. Still no changes. We talked with a fertility doctor earlier this year, but then we have had all kinds of blows after that with Matt's health. Things have started to slow down, but we still haven't taken any more steps. I don't think either of us want to, or feel led to go in any direction. So from my perspective it sometimes feels like everyone is moving forward and I'm sitting still watching it all happen. Like you sometimes see in the movies. In the time that I have hoped to get pregnant and have not. I have seen people announce pregnancies, gender reveals, have those babies, post monthly pictures of them growing, adopt babies and see those babies growing. All while I sit and wait. Wait for God to speak, to give direction. But I will keep waiting, because although it hurts, I know from experience that His timing is always better, and I know in my own strength I can't make good anyways.