For my love.

This man, he found me, he pursued me, he loved me, he has fought for me, and lived for me. He is my husband, my best friend, the father to our beautiful son. He inspires me, helps me have confidence. I think that because of his disease I have thoughts that other wives probably don't. However, since this is the cards that we have I don't know what any other ones might say.

The last few months have been trying, Matt has had some bowel issues, and its been a rather trying time. A mist these issues he also has had some severe leg pain. It had me thinking a lot about the future. I know that its in God's hands, and there is no way of knowing how long any of us has. However, when you have a disease like Matt's even with a good heart, and the right respiratory equipment there is still no guarantee. That's scary... Even though some days it feels so hard, to think of this life without him, is heart wrenching.

There are not really any records to know the oldest age someone has lived to with his disease. His pulmonologist told us he has a patient who is 52 with duchenne. Please don't  read this and think I sit awake at night worrying Matt's going to die. It has been on my mind more as of late, but it doesn't keep me from sleeping. I see post pretty frequently about boys dying from Matt's disease (duchenne muscular dystrophy) It always makes me sad, especially because some of them are so young. Recently a dear friend of ours lost her son, he was only 24 years old, as far as I understand he simply fell asleep here on earth and woke up in heaven. Although I only knew his mother, it still has hit home very hard. I think sometimes I take for granted how well Matt is doing, or how well he is in comparison to others with his disease.

I have been thinking about how I want Matt to have a full life, to not have any regrets or wish that he would have done something, that we just never made the time for. I want him to know that he is greatly loved, more then I could ever say with words. I want his life to be full of love and laughter, true joy. Who knows what the future holds, I know its possible for us to have 30 more years together, and I hope for those years, to drive across the country together, to explore and experience new things. To not be bound my statistics, but just enjoy every day.