"We are conditioned that we must pay for anything of value. That we get what we pay for, or what we deserve."
How untrue it is that we get what we deserve. I don't think that my husband did anything to deserve a life-threatening disease that takes away his ability to do anything for himself. I don't think that people deserve to lose their babies before they even know them, there are alot of things that happen to use that we don't deserve. A lot of things in life that aren't "fair." If I only get to have 2 years with Matt, it's not because that is what I deserved to have. If I never am able to have a baby, it's not because I didn't deserve it. I wish that I could make life easy that people didn't have to live through so much pain. Sometimes its about perspective. I have to be thankful for what I do have, instead of focusing on what I don't. I have to be happy to have the man I love in my life, regardless of his condition. I have to remember that no one is promised tomorrow, and to love everyone as much as I can with every moment that I have with them. I have to be thankful for my puppy that loves me and wakes me up at 4:30 and 6:30 to go outside every night. I have to be thankful for every moment, even if they are hard. I have to remember that even if something I believed for with everything in my whole entire being to happen never happens; that it's not because I wasn't good enough, or didn't love enough, or didn't deserve it that it didn't happen. I have to stand on the truth that I know that this is not the end. That the best is yet to come. Because without that Hope, I have no reason to continue on. I have to remember that sometimes it has to get really low down deep in the dungeon where it seems like there is no hope bad, before it can get better.
Don't miss the Beautiful!
- OwlBeHonest
- I love my husband to the moon, And am now called mama by a beautiful blue eyed boy. Life scares me and excites me all at the same time. I like making things, cooking, coffee, sushi, trying new thing and I love being married.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Duchenne.
The other day I experienced something great in the midst of a terrible disease.
I watched a little boy get to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game.
It was a rather moving moment in the most uncorny way possible.
It was beautiful actually, because if it wasn't for my husband, this little boy would never have got to experience that. And to me that moment was worth more money then we will probably ever raise.
But I also felt sad, I do not think that Matt's life is boring by any means. I think considering his curcumstances we do alot, we live a pretty normal life. We probably have more medical equipment in our home than a "normal couple." Thankfully though most of it is for those "in-case" moments.
But I felt sad thinking about all the things that this little boy and other little boys and even girls that have Duchenne Muscular dystrophy will have to miss out on. And how left out they may feel. And I hope that they all have parents and friends that go the extra mile to make them not feel that way. Matt said something to me once that I will never forget. When we were dating he told me that dating me made him forget that he was handicapped. Imagine that. I think its because I don't let it limit what we do, or stop us from enjoying life. Yes there are still things that he can't do, but I still take him along and let him enjoy all those things if possible, and it helps that I have a family that is willing to help, and include him in everything we do. And I think that is how it should be, no one should get left out because they are "different." I think this is a really good quote. “You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can't have it.” - My husband Matt has always believed that he would find a woman that would take care of him, and get married, and it happened. I believe in his case that he found this cause he never gave up hope and believe that he really could have it. Alot of times we want things but don't believe that we deserve them. I heard a saying once, that the things you fear you draw to you. I'm not saying that it always happens that way, or that something terrible that happened to you is your fault, but sometimes this is very true. So just don't give up hope for your dreams. or your dreams for your kids. Even when it doesn't look like it will never happen, don't stop Believing. :) (Yes I know that is a song)
I watched a little boy get to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game.
It was a rather moving moment in the most uncorny way possible.
It was beautiful actually, because if it wasn't for my husband, this little boy would never have got to experience that. And to me that moment was worth more money then we will probably ever raise.
But I also felt sad, I do not think that Matt's life is boring by any means. I think considering his curcumstances we do alot, we live a pretty normal life. We probably have more medical equipment in our home than a "normal couple." Thankfully though most of it is for those "in-case" moments.
But I felt sad thinking about all the things that this little boy and other little boys and even girls that have Duchenne Muscular dystrophy will have to miss out on. And how left out they may feel. And I hope that they all have parents and friends that go the extra mile to make them not feel that way. Matt said something to me once that I will never forget. When we were dating he told me that dating me made him forget that he was handicapped. Imagine that. I think its because I don't let it limit what we do, or stop us from enjoying life. Yes there are still things that he can't do, but I still take him along and let him enjoy all those things if possible, and it helps that I have a family that is willing to help, and include him in everything we do. And I think that is how it should be, no one should get left out because they are "different." I think this is a really good quote. “You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can't have it.” - My husband Matt has always believed that he would find a woman that would take care of him, and get married, and it happened. I believe in his case that he found this cause he never gave up hope and believe that he really could have it. Alot of times we want things but don't believe that we deserve them. I heard a saying once, that the things you fear you draw to you. I'm not saying that it always happens that way, or that something terrible that happened to you is your fault, but sometimes this is very true. So just don't give up hope for your dreams. or your dreams for your kids. Even when it doesn't look like it will never happen, don't stop Believing. :) (Yes I know that is a song)
Worry.
It's funny actually because one of my favorite passages in the scriptures is about worry, and its one of the things I struggle with the most.
Matthew 6:25-34
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
On to my blogishness. I know I shouldn't worry and I know alot of scripture that say God will give you the desires of your heart, and lots of things to go along with that. And I know that I am suppose to do things to receive those things, and blah blah blah. But I also know that I have faith that God can do anything, and believe that miracles will happen in my life, but at the same time I wonder why do I deserve it more than someone else? And It's not that I think I do deserve it more than the next person. But I wonder, because I know that there are people who try and try to have babies and then they do and there baby is still born. And people who have kids with cancer who are pastors who pray and pray and have lots of faith and their child still dies. So sometimes I wonder if that can happen to them it can happen to me right? Yes it can. And if it doesn't, I don't think it's because they could handle that and I can't. So I wonder why them and not me? I know there really isn't answer. But as I hope for healing, and babies, and many things for many different people I love. I know that I can believe with all I have and it still might not come true. And I think that it's not just faith. Cause there have been people with as much faith or even more than I have had, and they still didn't get what the believed in. And I know that I even if it doesn't happen here, then there is a better place. Where all this heartahce and pain doesn't exist, and that makes me happy. But I still wonder alot, And I'm sure I will continue to do that. And I still hope that I will get the things my heart desires, even if I know that there is a big chance I won't. And I still worry even though I know it does me no good. And I still don't understand alot of things, even though I wish I could.
Matthew 6:25-34
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
On to my blogishness. I know I shouldn't worry and I know alot of scripture that say God will give you the desires of your heart, and lots of things to go along with that. And I know that I am suppose to do things to receive those things, and blah blah blah. But I also know that I have faith that God can do anything, and believe that miracles will happen in my life, but at the same time I wonder why do I deserve it more than someone else? And It's not that I think I do deserve it more than the next person. But I wonder, because I know that there are people who try and try to have babies and then they do and there baby is still born. And people who have kids with cancer who are pastors who pray and pray and have lots of faith and their child still dies. So sometimes I wonder if that can happen to them it can happen to me right? Yes it can. And if it doesn't, I don't think it's because they could handle that and I can't. So I wonder why them and not me? I know there really isn't answer. But as I hope for healing, and babies, and many things for many different people I love. I know that I can believe with all I have and it still might not come true. And I think that it's not just faith. Cause there have been people with as much faith or even more than I have had, and they still didn't get what the believed in. And I know that I even if it doesn't happen here, then there is a better place. Where all this heartahce and pain doesn't exist, and that makes me happy. But I still wonder alot, And I'm sure I will continue to do that. And I still hope that I will get the things my heart desires, even if I know that there is a big chance I won't. And I still worry even though I know it does me no good. And I still don't understand alot of things, even though I wish I could.
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