Be thankful

It's turkey month. I have been recognizing something I am thankful for everyday, whether big or small. This is what I have come up with so far.
1. I have a job. And its a good one
2.For my smart butt soon to be husband.
3. That my future in laws let me drive their van.
4. The free make-up session I won with Mary Kay through David's Bridal in which I win $21 in free products.
5. For Glee
6. All the people in my life who balance me.

There are so many things in each of our lives to be thankful for some are small some are really big, but don't miss them. And don't just be thankful on Thanksgiving, be thankful everyday, for everything and anything you like. Whether it be a note from a loved one, or finally being able to buy that 54' flat screen tv that came with a free blueray player. Or whatever it is for you.

Love

To say that I don't worry about what other people think would be a lie. However I do not obsess over it or stress myself out about it. I have waited 24 years to find the person that completes me, my other half, the one that I wouldn't want to spend anoter day of my life without. And I know that I have found him. Matthew Glen Martin is everything that I ever wanted, and even more then I knew to ask for. I am not seeking anyone's approval or hoping to be confirmed in what I am about to say. I realize that many people might not understand why I would want to marry someone that I have to take care of, who may never be able to take care of me. But love is so much more than what a person can do for you. I never wanted someone to take care of me, I believe if you know me you will agree that I am a very independent young lady. I wanted someone to come home to that I could take care of that would love me unconditionally. I have found all of this and so much more. Which is the beauty of true love. When you strip away security, and how much money someone makes, and all the things that we put so much value in, things that in the end really don't matter. You find things like strength, when someone believes in you, and sees more value in you then you see in yourself. I just hope that people won't look at Matt and see everything he physically can't do, but trust that he is everything that I need. Everything God knew I needed, more then I could have ever even known to ask for.

How do you really know.....

So many questions in life, that seem to not have an answer. Is there ever a perfect timing? Is there a certain amount of time that one should really wait before taking certain actions? Are there certain things that should happen before you know someone is right for you? Although I think that we should always take precautions in any decisions we make, I also think that you just know. Most of us know when things or people are wrong for us, and we just deny that feeling. We deny that gut instinct to avoid something or someone, and we do it anyways, because for some unexplainable reason, we just want it, and we deny all those feelings and instincts. For me, I am experiencing something much different. I think that I should have these precautions,that there should be signs. Something should be flashing in big bright letters, STOP, TURN AROUND, NOW, DANGER! Is there a reason for this? Do I feel danger? No I feel that where I am is perfect it is all I ever wanted, happening right before my eyes. I believe the reason that I think there should be warning signs is because I think that I don't deserve what I have. Why do I think that, probably just because I wanted it for so long and it never happened. So I felt that it was some kind of punishment. Not that I am even a bad person. I try to live a good life, one that is honorable. Maybe, I just trained my mind for so long, knowing what I wanted, but thinking that it didn't exist. And now it's here, and I love it. I don't live in constant fear that it will leave me, or anything like that. But I do my best to enjoy the present while looking forward to the future.

Which brings me to the second part of my thoughts. How do you not look to the future to much? Is that not what hope is about, having hope for the future, hope that things will get better, or that something you are really wanting will finally happen? Hope is what gets us through the hard times, but what if times aren't hard? What if you are just talking about the future, what you hope might happen. Is that bad? I don't believe it is. I think it is okay to dream, so what if it never really happens. Sometimes its good to just dream of what could be. I can see it becoming unhealthy if you lost sight of what was around you. If you stop enjoying the here and now. But hopes and Dreams are often what help us press forward. I hope to enjoy a long fulfilling life. To grow old with the man that I love. To have children who have children. I don't know that these things will ever happen. However, the though of them is nice, and I don't know what it hurts to hope to experience these things some day.

Things are changing.

For sooooo long, I have wanted the very things that are happening right in front on me so quickly. I am happy, there is no doubt about that. Some mornings I wake up and feel like it's all a dream. It was well worth waiting for, and I more than look forward to the future. I have been learning so much about life. How you just have to let things happen. You must treasure every moment, for you never know what could be the last. I believe that we tend to have the mindset that we are going to live forever, well what we grasp as forever, which is probably somewhere around 80 years or so. Ha. Well the truth is that none of us our guaranteed even another minute. Something could happen to any of us at any second. So my challenge lately is to not take time for granted, especially time spend with people I cherish. Although I know there are many people in my life I would rather only have one minute with then never have known them at all. Here's to the future, and all the wonderful things it holds, and to time that will not be wasted with those I love.

Real Love

I believe in my life that I have gone through some hard things, sometimes thinking to myself that I wouldn't make it out of those things. When I look back on them, I see the impact it made on me, how it helped me become the person that I am. I believe now, that I can face things and I will make it out. Love.... It is such a funny thing. At one point in my life, I thought that I was in love. I do believe that you can love someone that doesn't love you back, but by no means is it equal. Plus at the time in my life, I don't think I knew what real love was. I have learned so much from that experience, and from many others in my life. Lately, I seem to be realizing what real Love is. The kind of Love that Christ has for his Children. A Love that means you could suffer great pain, yet you do not give up. A love that means, putting yourself last. As much as I say I don't want to hurt, I would gladly hurt for the sake of Love. Some of the greatest joys, come with great pain. I believe all things happen for a reason, not that I wish bad things upon anyone, and I do not think that God does either. However, I know I would not be who I am today, if not for the things in life I have gone through, and quite frankly, I very much so like who I am today. Hoping that tomorrow I will be a little bit better, and stronger than I am today. So here's to the future, who know what it holds.

MHCMF

Sometimes you meet people and they end up changing your life.
Challenge what you believe.
Change your desires.
Teach you what Love really is.
And even if that person doesn't stay, your still forever changed.

Wishful thinking.

I wish I were good at blogging.
I wish that things could stay the way they are.
I wish that happiness didn't only seem temporary.
I wish I could have what I want.
I wish that I knew what I wanted.
I wish that life was simple.
I wish that I knew the answer.
I wish that I knew what to do.
I wish that things were easier.
I wish that things were fair.
Although if I had all these things I think I would still have moments where I wanted more.
Seems there is always something that I am wanting, or wishing for.
I want to do things, things that I could make happen with some patience, and effort.
Yet I never seem to do the things I want, I only seem to do the things I don't want to do.

The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.
I Corinthians 7:9(the message)


I love the way that the message words things. It really does feel like torture at times.
However if you talk about how you wish that you could just be married, married people will say "Marriage isn't easy either."
Granted I believe this is very true, I think it is interesting how this scripture is worded. That the difficulties of marriage are better than the torture sexually of being single.

Thoughts

I had a good talk with my brother last night. He is such a smart young man. I realize how stupid girls are. We tend to let ourselves like these jerky boys, who only use us. They tell us they only want to be our friend and then end up having a relationship with us without it ever being called that. Maybe it's our fault, my fault, for letting it happen. The dumb thing is that there are good, sweet, amazing boys that like us... and we get hung up on these losers who don't want anything more from us. What's even worse, is I find myself knowing that I am worth so much more, but not being able to walk away. I don't really know why either. It's rather frustrating. This is why I believe, at least for myself, that guys and girls were not meant to be friends. Even when I think that someone is no good, and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them, I find myself wanting them to want me, and being jealous when I find out they want someone else. Maybe it is because it just feeds my fear that I am not good enough. Hmmm, I think I answered my own question. I stick around hoping they will change their mind about me, so I can know that I am worth being with. I'm better then that... I deserve to have someone who realizes from the beginning what I'm worth, not someone that has to be convinced overtime. Everyone deserves that. I hope that other people can learn from my mistakes... don't give your heart to someone who doesn't want it, and doesn't deserve to have it. Stick it out and wait for the one who realizes what your worth, and knows that life without you would be incomplete.

Every now and then

I'm not sure if anyone will read this, but I think that I have some insightful things to say sometimes. To be honest As a single young adult I think that there are things that we struggle with that we don't really necessary know how to talk about. For me I think that people won't understand. What I really want out of life is to honor Christ, along the way I often lose sight of what is really important. I start going after what I want, because I get impatient, and think that God has forgotten about me. I really want to believe that if I am trying there is a man out there that is trying too. I do not want to devalue myself and think that I have to just settle.
Read this article about trying patience, it's very insightful http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002283.cfm

Another thing that really frustrates me is the physical side of things. Sex, yeah I know not many people want to talk about it, but its a very real desire that we all have. The bible says its better to get married then to burn with passion... well what if I don't have anyone to marry? As I read that I realize how funny burning with passion sounds. And although, most of us can control ourselves, its still something most want and can't have.... So I search for things to read that will help me. And I read this article this morning that made me look at sex in a whole new way. It really is worth waiting for. It's more than just the pleasure that seems so amazing. I know this is rather blunt, but its a very real issue... and its tiresome... especially as someone who is trying to live an honorable life, the fight to stay pure. I mean really look at what is all around us. Sex is everywhere.... and from the perspective of most even some christian men... if you aren't gonna have sex with them they don't want to be in a relationship with you. I have even read articles questioning if due to todays society, if God really cares if we wait to have sex tell we get married. That as long as you are in a committed relationship and are both in love with each other it should be okay. So don't judge me for talking about this someone needs to.
Sex is not about waiting http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001405.cfm

My next topic would be on relationships with someone of the opposite sex, I know most of us have them and we all long for that type of companionship especially us single folks. So I read things all the time, about opposite sex friendships. When it boils down to it they say that as a man or woman who wants to be married, to continue a friendship with someone of the opposite sex who has already told you they do not want to be more than your friend is stupid. Because you are only wasting your emotions on them. I'm talking about spending excessive time with this person, and having emotional intimacy with them. And the truth, whether anyone wants to admit this or not, is that one of them has feelings for the other, and is hopeful that the one who said they only want to be friends will change their mind. That its better for me to sit at home alone, even though I have no other men pursuing me, then to spend time with this guy that only wants to be my friend. Here's a good little piece to read with more insight on this.
The poison in Just Friends
http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0002023.cfm

So this is just a little taste of things that I have been trying to figure out lately.
Life is hard. Although there is definte beauty in it.
I get to these points where I have to re-evaluate what's really important to me.
Often I start making small exceptions, because I want people to except me, and I think that if I really stand up about things they won't want to be my friend anymore.
Then I realize... that if that is the choice they make they don't really like me for me anyways, So I am better off without them in my life.
More than anything I truly want to please God with my life. To be the woman of God that He has called me to be. I know that God has been speaking to me in my frustration.
I read this scripture last night... and it really spoke to me with all that I have been dealing with.
Romans 5:1-5
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.