Just because it's free.

"We are conditioned that we must pay for anything of value. That we get what we pay for, or what we deserve."

How untrue it is that we get what we deserve. I don't think that my husband did anything to deserve a life-threatening disease that takes away his ability to do anything for himself. I don't think that people deserve to lose their babies before they even know them, there are alot of things that happen to use that we don't deserve. A lot of things in life that aren't "fair." If I only get to have 2 years with Matt, it's not because that is what I deserved to have. If I never am able to have a baby, it's not because I didn't deserve it. I wish that I could make life easy that people didn't have to live through so much pain. Sometimes its about perspective. I have to be thankful for what I do have, instead of focusing on what I don't. I have to be happy to have the man I love in my life, regardless of his condition. I have to remember that no one is promised tomorrow, and to love everyone as much as I can with every moment that I have with them. I have to be thankful for my puppy that loves me and wakes me up at 4:30 and 6:30 to go outside every night. I have to be thankful for every moment, even if they are hard. I have to remember that even if something I believed for with everything in my whole entire being to happen never happens; that it's not because I wasn't good enough, or didn't love enough, or didn't deserve it that it didn't happen. I have to stand on the truth that I know that this is not the end. That the best is yet to come. Because without that Hope, I have no reason to continue on. I have to remember that sometimes it has to get really low down deep in the dungeon where it seems like there is no hope bad, before it can get better.